Where has all the youth gone?

So as it turns out, senioritis is a real thing. I mean, I figured this out before, in high school, when the end of my junior year came around, and I realized that I was just ready to graduate.

But this time around, when my junior year of college ended, I was actually really excited to come back. I wanted to finish my senior year strong! I was not going to procrastinate! I was going to do ALL THE THINGS.

And then I actually got back, and I realized that it was quite possible that I would not be doing all the things – in fact, I would only be doing a bare minimum of the things, and using all my spare time to hang out with friends, sleep, and plan grand adventures for the future. I hit a giant old wall of DONE.

The thing about being a senior is that you manage to tire yourself out just with your expectations. I keep expecting myself to do things that I KNOW I could not possibly do. And I suppose part of that is that I’ve recently had to make decisions about where my life will go next – the fact that I can’t plan out the next part of my life with a handy online class schedule is pretty daunting.

I suppose I feel very grown up, and I’m not so happy about it.

But I remember how grown up I felt at 10. And then when I was 13. And then again when I was 18. And now I’m 20, and I’m really hoping that this is going to be one of those cases where I only FEEL grown up, because I’d really rather be a kid right now.

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